Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Do not read this. I warned you. :/

Call me a whiner. Call me some low-life trash who needs to get out of the house and go do something. I guess when you do nothing but search for jobs in a scarce environment like this dump of a small town or go listen to a chemistry lecture 2 nights a week for 5 hours, you start to realize how pathetic you are. I've been out here for 2 and a half years; no friends; no one at the school I go to knows who I am...I suppose when you don't initiate anything, you don't get anything in return. I just keep telling myself that I'm fine and I don't need it. I just say it in my head; there are only a few set things I actually need in life: good marks, a steady job, and eventually finding a way to pay for my own place. I don't even care if it's a dumpy apartment. As long as I can survive.

It gets hard when you have no one you can trust enough to make you feel better when you're lonely, or someone who actually cares enough to listen to your stupid fucking problems. Hence the whole drama-spilling-on-the-blog thing. I hate drama. I hate people who use the internet to vent.'s gotta come out somehow. I don't expect to accomplish anything, I just...being alone makes life a lot rougher than it should be. Of course I'm gonna look back at this in like 24 hours and kick myself in the ass for being such a whiny little bitch. Who the hell wants to associate themselves with someone who asks for companionship and then just ignores people or berates them for trying to get close? It's just that damn mantra that goes on in my head. "I don't need anyone. Stop reaching out for human contact, you stupid idiot. You can get by just fine." But, I have no motivation, no direction. I'm just kind of sitting here in this aimless void, watching the world and people I used to know find happiness, whether that be in the form of great friends, a relationship, a successful career...Why is it just me that's still stuck here with nothing? I guess it's because ever since I was a little kid, I've always told myself I'm not worthy of anyone's attention. Well, that's my fault, but it's also up to me if I want to do anything about it.

...So I guess the only question is if I want to do anything about it. My brain says no, but something else is just dying in me because of it. I suppose the sooner I find out what that is, the sooner I can find a way to fix it.

No sketches drive is pretty much gone.

Friday, May 28, 2010

I like to put off what I put off.

Here, followers, have some unfinished sketches and lines that might very well never get done. D:

^Body came out really weird...O_< Don't know if I'll continue with this one.


^Shinigami. D: Actually started this a while ago. I like how Undertaker is coming out and I'd like to finish it.


^I accidentally deleted the sketch layer on this one, so I have no idea where everything was supposed to go. D: Fail.

Saturday, May 22, 2010

*drinks bleach*

So, school has officially been out for a week and a half now...and the days are all meshing together like some freakish pattern of just blah and sick. I've been sick for about 4 days now, although I could have gotten better in 2 days, I just didn't care enough to drink water and take medicine and sleep and all that. >_> I would be the worst nurse ever. Someone comes in with a bashed-in head and a lead pipe sticking out of their ass "I was crushed in a bridge collapse!" "Spray some Windex on it, you're fine!" And then I write him a prescription that just says "get that stick out of your ass" like a douchebag.

Um, I have an invitation to go to an 1860's ball, where I will be wearing a hoop skirt and frilly gloves and shit...O_o Should I go? I have no one to go with and I know my greek goddess is departing for Japan on that date...lucky fuck. I don't know. Seems kinda gay, but at the same time, immersing yourself in history has a way of making you forget about all the modern world's shit that didn't exist back in the day like global warming, Sandra Bullock, penicillin, etc. I'm a little torn. Honestly, I don't care if I look like a big fag in front of people. I've embarrassed myself so many times in the past that nothing really phases me anymore; it's the being in 1860 for 5 hours that gives me withdrawal symptoms, as much as I hate to admit it. It's 8pm, there are old women skipping around in planet-sized dresses and old dudes covering up their baldness with top hats and monocles and I'm just sitting on the front steps in my lung-crushing corset going "I wanna dick around on the internet! Where's my Ipod?!" It's sad but true. Last time my friend went with me and we spent the whole night talking about Zelda and how much we hate the Water Temple. It was pathetic. >_>

I start summer courses in a week. Fucking chemistry and programming. Do I have a brain for it? No. Do I have the internet to give me all the answers? Hm...loop hole. *plot plot plot*

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

hurr hurr hurr

Hey you guys! 8D SO!

Easter pretty much kicked me square in the ass this past weekend. I should have known; what else is gonna happen when you go to AB for a day and then come home to HOLY SHIT CHOCOLATE BEST WEEKEND EVER NOMNOMNOM. 8D

So to cut a short story shorter, I gained three pounds the following Monday, but then magically lost them again when I refused to eat anything until I felt dizzy. So now, not only do I feel sluggish and obese, I don't even have the energy to get off my fat ass and go to the damn gym. I do not recommend this method of weight loss. Fuck you, Easter bunny.

ANYWAY. I have found my dream job! I am professionally unemployed! YAY! Actually, I thought about it and decided it would be awesome if I could just go to anime conventions all around the country and sell my shit, like, as a way to make a living. But then again, that's stupid. D: So no.

I'm working on new shit alongside commissions~

JOKER!!!! 8D This will hopefully be just part of a massive circus arc-themed pic. Good luck to me getting any of it done ever. D:


DURP MY BRAIN. There's more BUT I HAVEN'T FINISHED IT YET SO HOLD ON JESUS. Pfft lol Alois' fairies of doooom~ Goddamn it Kuro 2. D:

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

I seriously can't keep my eyes open right now. D: guys. D:

I'm so goddamn tired all the time. =_= I can't get myself to do anything lately. It's been raining for about 3 days straight and school isn't doing anything to help my mood. I just hope AB will force me to be energetic. All the crazy usually has me going on a 3-day high even after the convention's over lol.

I'm not cosplaying, but I did stick an Inuyasha pin from about 10 years ago into my hat to show my support. :3 Seriously, I never spend money on fandom, which is why I own virtually nothing related to my interests. XD Except for maybe my precious Sebastian keychain that is currently dangling alongside the keys to my shit van and a 4-GB flash drive that carries practically my entire school life on it. And that's it. |D

Although, if this is ever actually released to the public...O_O You bet your ass I'll be spending at least half my life savings on it. D: Homg, my teeth hurt just looking at it. ASDLSDDJCHIBICIELSOCUTEICANTTAKEIT FFFFFFFF~ D8

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Art: Step by Step

Okay, so some of you watching my DA said on a recent poll that you wanted to see how I go about doing my mediocre artwork, SO. Here's the step-by-step process. D: Boring, I know, but please...bear with me, yeah?'

OMG The piece I did just for this freaking thing took me FOREVER. D8 Of course, I could have just been simple and drawn one figure, but noooo~ I had to go all out and do a freaking 5-figure portrait with a table lined with intricate desserts and blah-blah-blah~~ WHY? Why do I do this to myself? D: This is (of course) more Kuroshitsuji fan art. >_> I called it 'Be My Butler', since it features all the butlers (at least from the anime D:) It was my first time drawing both Butler!Grell and Ash. (Goddamn do I hate Ash. D<)

OKAY SO. Enough ranting. On with it~

Step 1: The first sketch.

Generally, the first sketch isn't anything but getting a basic idea of where I want everything to go. I don't really try at all. In fact, a lot of the time things don't even end up staying where they are (this is not the case here. I did good this time :D). Everything is just sort of a place holder for where I want the basic focus. I'm also really careful of which way things are pointing, like Ciel's (or what's going to be Ciel's) hat and both Sebastian and Agni's arms, so it doesn't feel too cluttered or off-balance.

Lol, it looks so retarded as a JPG. XD Oh well.

The next step is just filling out the skeletons with more precise sketches. This still isn't the final sketch, but I think it's pretty important since I often have a lot of trouble with anatomy and it's good to make sure everything looks okay at least twice over (and by the end, things still look off, but I did the best I could D:) Another thing is that I don't put the faces in. I never sketch faces. To me, putting a face on something is giving it a concrete identity and my sketches are pretty much just intended to be malleable husks that are interchangable. I don't know. Maybe I'm weird. O_o

Still not done sketching...D: Takes forever...Why am I still doing this... >_<;;

Next is the final sketch (FINALLY 8D). I have to be a little more careful about where everything is and how it looks since I can't really pay attention to deformities when I do the final lines. This sketch is just to make sure the basic structure looks good before I add any details (sometimes I end up adding some detail just my brain screams at me to do it >_<).

Finally, that's done. Now, step 2.

Step 2: Lines

For crisp, clean lines, Photoshop sucks. Even the 1px brush has a feathery look that can be sharpened, but looks pixel-y afterward X_x. So I just bring my sketch PSD into Paint Tool SAI, which has an ink pen that is fantastic for clean lines. I have a really shaky hand, though, so straight, precise lines that are also thin are really, really hard for me. Not to mention they take forever and a week. So, I just do the best I can in adding all the detail. Notice how I'm okay with adding the faces now. :) The lines say that the object is complete and can now be given an identity. Yay, weirdness! 8D

Only one step for the lines, thank God lol.

Step 3: Flat Color

Once the lines are done (after about 2 hours of struggle X_x), I can bring the PSD back into Photoshop for flat colors. This normally doesn't take too long since the lines are crisp enough to just do the whole select-with-the-Magic-Wand-tool and fill. Along with basic colors, I add patterns too, since am I total pattern whore. D:

After the colors are all filled in, I like to darken them so the light and shadows looks more dramatic. (Bad idea? :/ You tell me.)

Flat colors are cool and all, but there's a big, bright fireplace behind everything which creates light that wraps around either sides of the figures. I like to create the illusion that the sides are lighter by putting a shadow straight down the middle. Gradients, to the rescue~ (and the abuse of the Multiply layer style D:)

Hey, it's starting to look kinda cool already. :3

Step 4: Shadows

Shadows take by far the longest. I basically have to do three layers of shadows and then smudge the hell out of them in all the right places. And then go back in and add darker shadows where they need be. It's very meticulous and time-consuming, but it looks a lot better than cell-shading (at least in my case. I suck at it. >_>)

Damn you, shadows, for taking so damn long. D:

Step 5: Light

Light is my favorite toy in the world. 8D I love playing with it. The light sources here are the fireplace in the background and the small candle stick on the table. (I put in there purposely to make Ciel's face look a little more sinister and to light Ash up since angel=light, evidently.) I had to pay really close attention here since the angles have to be just right. (Sometimes I forgot and it kinda shows D:) Damn, those desserts were a pain in my ass. >_>

Light~! Glorious light~!

Step 6: Adjusting

This is the final step! Since I toned the colors way down early on, everything looks a little drab and desaturated. Flattening the image and screwing around with levels, hue, saturation, and contrast will fix that. 8D Add in a nice gold border...

...And voila! Done. Finally. X_x My hand hurts.

And, of course my favorite part of this whole piece...

Look at that beautiful, freaking orange...uh...thing. O_o Pastry. I don't even know. But it has ice cream and orange and drizzle and all things that are good in the world. I made myself hungry drawing this. :/

I hope that was at least a little informative. Until next time (when I have my new tablet! 8D)~

Friday, March 5, 2010

busy busy busy

So I finished my DVD cover design completely. I like how it came out, more or less. I just wish I wasn't so crazy with light. >_>

The back panel came out a little more purple than I had intended, but I had to somehow tie it in with the front with that mango-orange color and the purple, so yeah...not the colors I wanted. I initially wanted just yellow and blue, since they're more representational of the story in the first place. OH WELL. At least it's an assignment I don't have to worry about anymore.

I have more Kuro arts that have yet to be finished, so I'll just post the WIPs up here. D: I have to get all my commissions done soon so can finally buy a new goddamn tablet. >_> Mine is like the shittiest of the shitty.

I don't know if you guys remember this one post, but I said I'd found the naked Ciel base and was gonna do a bunch of outfit designs. They're all based on food. :3 The first one here is berries n' cream, and the other one is the sketch of apple and cinnamon. :3 The berries n' cream one is probably way too gay. D: Whoops.

I held a poll on my devArt about whether I should do a Sailor Moon/Kuroshitsuji crossover, and the yes answer just barely outweighed the no answer, so this is for all of those who voted no on that poll. 8D

Ciel's murder face. Let him show you it. Complete with pigtails. XD I still want to add Grell and UT and a bunch of others, but like hell that will ever get done, amirite? D: