Do not read this. I warned you. :/

Call me a whiner. Call me some low-life trash who needs to get out of the house and go do something. I guess when you do nothing but search for jobs in a scarce environment like this dump of a small town or go listen to a chemistry lecture 2 nights a week for 5 hours, you start to realize how pathetic you are. I've been out here for 2 and a half years; no friends; no one at the school I go to knows who I am...I suppose when you don't initiate anything, you don't get anything in return. I just keep telling myself that I'm fine and I don't need it. I just say it in my head; there are only a few set things I actually need in life: good marks, a steady job, and eventually finding a way to pay for my own place. I don't even care if it's a dumpy apartment. As long as I can survive.

It gets hard when you have no one you can trust enough to make you feel better when you're lonely, or someone who actually cares enough to listen to your stupid fucking problems. Hence the whole drama-spilling-on-the-blog thing. I hate drama. I hate people who use the internet to vent. But...it's gotta come out somehow. I don't expect to accomplish anything, I just...being alone makes life a lot rougher than it should be. Of course I'm gonna look back at this in like 24 hours and kick myself in the ass for being such a whiny little bitch. Who the hell wants to associate themselves with someone who asks for companionship and then just ignores people or berates them for trying to get close? It's just that damn mantra that goes on in my head. "I don't need anyone. Stop reaching out for human contact, you stupid idiot. You can get by just fine." But, I have no motivation, no direction. I'm just kind of sitting here in this aimless void, watching the world and people I used to know find happiness, whether that be in the form of great friends, a relationship, a successful career...Why is it just me that's still stuck here with nothing? I guess it's because ever since I was a little kid, I've always told myself I'm not worthy of anyone's attention. Well, that's my fault, but it's also up to me if I want to do anything about it.

...So I guess the only question is if I want to do anything about it. My brain says no, but something else is just dying in me because of it. I suppose the sooner I find out what that is, the sooner I can find a way to fix it.

No sketches today...my drive is pretty much gone.

I like to put off what I put off.

Here, followers, have some unfinished sketches and lines that might very well never get done. D:




^Body came out really weird...O_< Don't know if I'll continue with this one.




^GIRLY MARF IS GIRLY. 8D




^Shinigami. D: Actually started this a while ago. I like how Undertaker is coming out and I'd like to finish it.



^LIMEY MAN IN LEATHER PANTS. (aka Bakura)




^I accidentally deleted the sketch layer on this one, so I have no idea where everything was supposed to go. D: Fail.

*drinks bleach*

So, school has officially been out for a week and a half now...and the days are all meshing together like some freakish pattern of just blah and sick. I've been sick for about 4 days now, although I could have gotten better in 2 days, I just didn't care enough to drink water and take medicine and sleep and all that. >_> I would be the worst nurse ever. Someone comes in with a bashed-in head and a lead pipe sticking out of their ass "I was crushed in a bridge collapse!" "Spray some Windex on it, you're fine!" And then I write him a prescription that just says "get that stick out of your ass" like a douchebag.

Um, I have an invitation to go to an 1860's ball, where I will be wearing a hoop skirt and frilly gloves and shit...O_o Should I go? I have no one to go with and I know my greek goddess is departing for Japan on that date..._{lucky fuck.} I don't know. Seems kinda gay, but at the same time, immersing yourself in history has a way of making you forget about all the modern world's shit that didn't exist back in the day like global warming, Sandra Bullock, penicillin, etc. I'm a little torn. Honestly, I don't care if I look like a big fag in front of people. I've embarrassed myself so many times in the past that nothing really phases me anymore; it's the being in 1860 for 5 hours that gives me withdrawal symptoms, as much as I hate to admit it. It's 8pm, there are old women skipping around in planet-sized dresses and old dudes covering up their baldness with top hats and monocles and I'm just sitting on the front steps in my lung-crushing corset going "I wanna dick around on the internet! Where's my Ipod?!" It's sad but true. Last time my friend went with me and we spent the whole night talking about Zelda and how much we hate the Water Temple. It was pathetic. >_>

I start summer courses in a week. Fucking chemistry and programming. Do I have a brain for it? No. Do I have the internet to give me all the answers? Hm...loop hole. *plot plot plot*

hurr hurr hurr

Hey you guys! 8D SO!

Easter pretty much kicked me square in the ass this past weekend. I should have known; what else is gonna happen when you go to AB for a day and then come home to HOLY SHIT CHOCOLATE BEST WEEKEND EVER NOMNOMNOM. 8D

So to cut a short story shorter, I gained three pounds the following Monday, but then magically lost them again when I refused to eat anything until I felt dizzy. So now, not only do I feel sluggish and obese, I don't even have the energy to get off my fat ass and go to the damn gym. I do not recommend this method of weight loss. Fuck you, Easter bunny.

ANYWAY. I have found my dream job! I am professionally unemployed! YAY! Actually, I thought about it and decided it would be awesome if I could just go to anime conventions all around the country and sell my shit, like, as a way to make a living. But then again, that's stupid. D: So no.

I'm working on new shit alongside commissions~


JOKER!!!! 8D This will hopefully be just part of a massive circus arc-themed pic. Good luck to me getting any of it done ever. D:

Also

DURP MY BRAIN. There's more BUT I HAVEN'T FINISHED IT YET SO HOLD ON JESUS. Pfft lol Alois' fairies of doooom~ Goddamn it Kuro 2. D:

I seriously can't keep my eyes open right now. D:

Ugh...you guys. D:

I'm so goddamn tired all the time. =_= I can't get myself to do anything lately. It's been raining for about 3 days straight and school isn't doing anything to help my mood. I just hope AB will force me to be energetic. All the crazy usually has me going on a 3-day high even after the convention's over lol.

I'm not cosplaying, but I did stick an Inuyasha pin from about 10 years ago into my hat to show my support. :3 Seriously, I never spend money on fandom, which is why I own virtually nothing related to my interests. XD Except for maybe my precious Sebastian keychain that is currently dangling alongside the keys to my shit van and a 4-GB flash drive that carries practically my entire school life on it. And that's it. |D

Although, if this is ever actually released to the public...O_O You bet your ass I'll be spending at least half my life savings on it. D: Homg, my teeth hurt just looking at it. ASDLSDDJCHIBICIELSOCUTEICANTTAKEIT FFFFFFFF~ D8

Art: Step by Step

Okay, so some of you watching my DA said on a recent poll that you wanted to see how I go about doing my mediocre artwork, SO. Here's the step-by-step process. D: Boring, I know, but please...bear with me, yeah?'

OMG The piece I did just for this freaking thing took me FOREVER. D8 Of course, I could have just been simple and drawn one figure, but noooo~ I had to go all out and do a freaking 5-figure portrait with a table lined with intricate desserts and blah-blah-blah~~ WHY? Why do I do this to myself? D: This is (of course) more Kuroshitsuji fan art. >_> I called it 'Be My Butler', since it features all the butlers (at least from the anime D:) It was my first time drawing both Butler!Grell and Ash. (Goddamn do I hate Ash. D<)

OKAY SO. Enough ranting. On with it~

Step 1: The first sketch.

Generally, the first sketch isn't anything but getting a basic idea of where I want everything to go. I don't really try at all. In fact, a lot of the time things don't even end up staying where they are (this is not the case here. I did good this time :D). Everything is just sort of a place holder for where I want the basic focus. I'm also really careful of which way things are pointing, like Ciel's (or what's going to be Ciel's) hat and both Sebastian and Agni's arms, so it doesn't feel too cluttered or off-balance.

Lol, it looks so retarded as a JPG. XD Oh well.

The next step is just filling out the skeletons with more precise sketches. This still isn't the final sketch, but I think it's pretty important since I often have a lot of trouble with anatomy and it's good to make sure everything looks okay at least twice over (and by the end, things still look off, but I did the best I could D:) Another thing is that I don't put the faces in. I never sketch faces. To me, putting a face on something is giving it a concrete identity and my sketches are pretty much just intended to be malleable husks that are interchangable. I don't know. Maybe I'm weird. O_o

Still not done sketching...D: Takes forever...Why am I still doing this... >_<;;

Next is the final sketch (FINALLY 8D). I have to be a little more careful about where everything is and how it looks since I can't really pay attention to deformities when I do the final lines. This sketch is just to make sure the basic structure looks good before I add any details (sometimes I end up adding some detail just my brain screams at me to do it >_<).

Finally, that's done. Now, step 2.

Step 2: Lines

For crisp, clean lines, Photoshop sucks. Even the 1px brush has a feathery look that can be sharpened, but looks pixel-y afterward X_x. So I just bring my sketch PSD into Paint Tool SAI, which has an ink pen that is fantastic for clean lines. I have a really shaky hand, though, so straight, precise lines that are also thin are really, really hard for me. Not to mention they take forever and a week. So, I just do the best I can in adding all the detail. Notice how I'm okay with adding the faces now. :) The lines say that the object is complete and can now be given an identity. Yay, weirdness! 8D

Only one step for the lines, thank God lol.

Step 3: Flat Color

Once the lines are done (after about 2 hours of struggle X_x), I can bring the PSD back into Photoshop for flat colors. This normally doesn't take too long since the lines are crisp enough to just do the whole select-with-the-Magic-Wand-tool and fill. Along with basic colors, I add patterns too, since am I total pattern whore. D:

After the colors are all filled in, I like to darken them so the light and shadows looks more dramatic. (Bad idea? :/ You tell me.)

Flat colors are cool and all, but there's a big, bright fireplace behind everything which creates light that wraps around either sides of the figures. I like to create the illusion that the sides are lighter by putting a shadow straight down the middle. Gradients, to the rescue~ (and the abuse of the Multiply layer style D:)

Hey, it's starting to look kinda cool already. :3

Step 4: Shadows

Shadows take by far the longest. I basically have to do three layers of shadows and then smudge the hell out of them in all the right places. And then go back in and add darker shadows where they need be. It's very meticulous and time-consuming, but it looks a lot better than cell-shading (at least in my case. I suck at it. >_>)

Damn you, shadows, for taking so damn long. D:

Step 5: Light

Light is my favorite toy in the world. 8D I love playing with it. The light sources here are the fireplace in the background and the small candle stick on the table. (I put in there purposely to make Ciel's face look a little more sinister and to light Ash up since angel=light, evidently.) I had to pay really close attention here since the angles have to be just right. (Sometimes I forgot and it kinda shows D:) Damn, those desserts were a pain in my ass. >_>

Light~! Glorious light~!

Step 6: Adjusting

This is the final step! Since I toned the colors way down early on, everything looks a little drab and desaturated. Flattening the image and screwing around with levels, hue, saturation, and contrast will fix that. 8D Add in a nice gold border...

...And voila! Done. Finally. X_x My hand hurts.

And, of course my favorite part of this whole piece...

8D
Look at that beautiful, freaking orange...uh...thing. O_o Pastry. I don't even know. But it has ice cream and orange and drizzle and all things that are good in the world. I made myself hungry drawing this. :/

I hope that was at least a little informative. Until next time (when I have my new tablet! 8D)~

busy busy busy

So I finished my DVD cover design completely. I like how it came out, more or less. I just wish I wasn't so crazy with light. >_>



The back panel came out a little more purple than I had intended, but I had to somehow tie it in with the front with that mango-orange color and the purple, so yeah...not the colors I wanted. I initially wanted just yellow and blue, since they're more representational of the story in the first place. OH WELL. At least it's an assignment I don't have to worry about anymore.

I have more Kuro arts that have yet to be finished, so I'll just post the WIPs up here. D: I have to get all my commissions done soon so can finally buy a new goddamn tablet. >_> Mine is like the shittiest of the shitty.



I don't know if you guys remember this one post, but I said I'd found the naked Ciel base and was gonna do a bunch of outfit designs. They're all based on food. :3 The first one here is berries n' cream, and the other one is the sketch of apple and cinnamon. :3 The berries n' cream one is probably way too gay. D: Whoops.

I held a poll on my devArt about whether I should do a Sailor Moon/Kuroshitsuji crossover, and the yes answer just barely outweighed the no answer, so this is for all of those who voted no on that poll. 8D



Ciel's murder face. Let him show you it. Complete with pigtails. XD I still want to add Grell and UT and a bunch of others, but like hell that will ever get done, amirite? D:

*fail*

*discouraged*

Well, I worked on some stuff today. D: In my Flash class, I'm doing a site for my artwork, but since all I've been doing lately is fanart, it's hard to find stuff for it. So, I'm making the site and posting up artwork based on my OCs. I love my OCs, but since no one else does, it seems like a kind of futile effort to work so hard on them. I plan on writing a graphic novel one day in the very, very distant future. =_=

I figure maybe people don't care so much about them because they don't know my OCs. how can you care about a character you don't know, right? XD Well, here's a brief description (mostly because I need to get it out there, not that anyone really cares. D:)

Pic of the main chara's as seen previously:

Center: "Benjamin Meliora" - In a world where dark forces rule over the entire human population through chosen people who channel dark spirits through their bodies, Meliora is taken from his family at a young age to spend a good deal of his life in a cruel penitentiary for children who refuse to accept the dark forces as their rulers. By law, all children who refuse to convert by age 16 are placed in a gas chamber where they are given three days to choose either conversion or death. Upon escaping the chamber at age 16 (in turn, sacrificing the life of his cell mate, Irene, and a prison guard who was his uncle), Meliora stumbles upon a group of mercenaries who fight for the light spirits, Meliora's chosen faith. He is accepted among the mercenaries and told of the prophecy called Seraph's Altar; one in which a channeler of light spirits will appear to the world and lead the mercenaries to a golden age of prosperity...by murdering the dark channelers and all of their followers and an enormous genocide called "The Cleansing". Much to sweet, innocent Meliora's chagrin, the mercenaries work toward that goal, killing off one dark channeler at a time.

Right of Meliora: "Jonathan Eldridge" - The son of the current patriarch, Jonathan leads the mercenaries in place of his father, who is dying of a blood disease. He is very stern and his belief in the coming of the Seraph's Altar and the reign of the light spirits is completely unwavering. He accepts Meliora as one of their own on the condition that he learn to fight in order to kill dark chanellers for the sake of their cause. Jonathan is unforgiving of those who favor dark spirits and therefore has no issue murdering them, claiming they are "but a stain on what the world could be." The story of Seraph's Altar is depicted on the white sashes he wears. He is the only mercenary other than the patriarch who is allowed to wear black, as "his holiness overshadows any darkness that may befall him." He also wields a long sword.

Left of Meliora: "Isabel Rochette" - The matriarch of the mercenaries, Rochette was appointed to such a status not because of any relation to Jonathan, but rather because she is more capable and knowledgeable than perhaps any other mercenary. She is very reserved, quiet, serious and only speaks truths; in fact she carries a book on her hip called 'The Book of Truths' and is often seen reading it and reciting from it, though no one else has ever seen its pages. While she carries herself pleasantly, she has a sinister aura about her that makes Meliora uneasy. It is later revealed that she wants to eliminate all channellers...not just the dark ones, in favor of humans leading their own race without the aid of divine forces. Meliora notices that Jonathan is the only one who knows the true Rochette and often wonders why he is afraid of let her out of his sight...She wields a large wooden club adorned with metal wire. She sets it on fire like an enormous torch during battle.

Left of Rochette: "Marcus Eldridge" - The younger brother of Jonathan, Marcus is resentful of his brother for being next in line for patriarch, but more so because he himself had been ostracized by the entire clan due to his dark hair and wild nature. While never wishing to oppose the mercenary's cause, he is rebellious and tends to push boundaries and lash out for the sake of attention. Jonathan views his brother's behavior as 'appalling' and often times refuses to acknowledge him as family, choosing to only associate with him during battle. Meliora finds a friend in Marcus while Marcus claims, quite loudly, that Meliora 'is like the brother he never had.' The children and teenagers of the mercenaries tend to flock to Marcus as they see him as a breath of fresh air and rebellious fun in a stiflingly traditional atmosphere. Despite his childishness, Marcus wishes he could be more composed and ends up falling in love with Rochette for her reserved and regal charm. He wields two bizarre, sword-like blades that curve out on either side and are connected by a long, gold chain called 'Hook Shanks'...Or as he calls them, 'Stab Grapples'. lol

Right of Jonathan: "Celia Mally" - Orphaned at a young age, Celia was taken in and adopted by Jonathan, who was a close friend of her father. A tomboy who loves discovering and building things, Celia has a wild streak that more often than not, sends Jonathan up the wall as he tries to raise her to be a proper lady. At age 9, she is not only family to both Jonathan and Marcus, but also a valuable asset to the mercenaries due to her uncanny ability to build elaborate traps out of practically nothing. She and Meliora both hold the same contempt for killing people, no matter what their faith, but continue to stay loyal to the people they have grown to know as family. Despite her carefree demeanor, Celia often has night terrors about the murder of her father.

RIGHT! D: That's all of them. I hope they sound half-way appealing. >_>

Oh, and here's more Meliora art.



A better look at his clothes. Mercenaries can't wear dark colors...

*moar frustration*

School has so totally destroyed my muse. D: It's like it took everything I loved about what I do for pleasure (i.e. html coding, photoshop, designing layouts, etc.), squeezed all the bad stuff out of it, mixed it with math and deadlines, and then threw it in my face, all the while yelling at me to get off my ass and make some goddamn money. X_x I hate you, school.

I have to go into the city this weekend to paint murals on the windows of unoccupied buildings as a community project. Then I have to take butt-loads of pictures because I'm doing the project website. D| Not really looking forward to it. I should be. I really should be. >: It's great opportunity and all that jazz...

What I really wanna do is draw the Kuroshitsuji cast in Sailor Moon uniforms and then post it fucking everywhere, leaving dumb comments like "the boots are totally canon! 8D" Goddamnit, I just wanna play in my fucking sandbox again! AKLASKLMLKM! Fuck you ActionScript 3.0 and your all your buggy shit! D:

Auuughh~ D:

So! I finally got the first half of my imaging project done X_x Took me all night. I only got about 3 hours of sleep and I forgot to make a salad last night in all the chaos, so now I have no lunch. Go me. D|

Here are the fruits of my insanity labor. And at this point, I'm not sure it's even worth it. >_<



The bigger version is on DA. I don't feel like uploading to Photobucket. >_>

I should upload all the sketches and progress and stuff, but I'm already running late. Uuuuugh math and Flash today. I hate ActionScript. Someone just kill it, plz. 8|

EDIT: Here's version two. 8D Just finished it~



I don't like this one as much but meh. :/

hiatus

I'm taking a short leave from the interwebs so I can get my school shit together...:/

Once I get my imaging project done, I'll show it off up here. :3

Also here's some screencaps of my portfolio site 8D It's doooone~! _{No links unless you wanna pay me to do your site ;D}


Here's the homepage :D Of course, I added stupid red marks cuz it's not perfected yet. :/


Click here to see it bigger.

...And here's my favorite page so far. The About page. Kinda simple, but effective in my opinion.


Click here to see it bigger.

So yeah. I need to stop using HTML. Old school. :/

stress,

Well, this is the last semester of the program I'm enrolled in. And it is ridiculously stressful. A hard math class, and online Photoshop class (that one's not hard since I use Photoshop everyday anyway lol), advanced web animation in Flash (my professor doesn't even know ActionScript so I have to learn it on my own X_x and I have a whole project in it due next month) and Advanced Web Portfolio (I'm working with an external client and I have a presentation to prepare for... and I don't even know what it's about. D:)

So, naturally I should be devoting my time to my studies. Only problem is I completely buckle under pressure. I can almost guarantee this semester is not going to run smoothly for me...Uuuuugh~ D:

/ramble

It's late and I have stuff to do.

And it's not getting done because I'm the worst procrastinator in history. It's awful. I need to be like, hypnotized into not doing it.

ANYWAY. I finished *tealpirate's birthday gift today only to be messaged with another request to do another commission for her. XD Not that I mind in the least. lol

I also started working on another big, poster-esque pic of all the shinigami from Kuroshitsuji. :3 *completely obsessed* I'll be posting the entire process up here; from the first sketch to the final result with explanations and stuff cuz I'm cool. Actually, I've been asked a few times about my art process, so that's why I'm doing it. _{I don't think I'm actually that good, to be honest...:/} But, I keep trying. I know I'll get there someday. Maybe. >_>

bored!art. It happens. :/

_{Oh hay, I actually figured out how to get linking images to work. Go me. 8D}

Anyway yeah. I was bored. (warning: A little obscene lol)



It's also on Y! with a lame cool title

Oh, btw. I'll be posting stuff here you won't see anywhere else. This is my personal crap dump, so watch me use it at will~!

WIP's that may or may not get done-

Wide open spaces...

Hoooo! Finally! I have a blog! D: How long has it been? Four years without a decent space to rant and voice my qualms with life? That's way too long. My inner screaming, complaining child needs space to roam and blast all its ignorance and disappointment!

Anyway. This is now to be my official crap dump. I'll be posting art. Lots of it. Deal with it.